Love is a cancerous cell

I still miss you

Is it going to heal

Would writing nonstop and annoying all these people help

to forget you, to forget the pain, to forget the love

no it wouldn’t, for love is ingrained in our DNA

it doesn’t matter how long time has passed

they lay dormant like cancer cells,

waiting for the right trigger to

blossom once again

I miss the way you smile,

your almond shaped eyes

and the way your eyes smiled too,

the way you made fun of me in an affectionately,

the way you hugged me from behind and

how you described me in ways i’ve never been

I still remember the tears when you wrote about me

they will always remain at the corner of my eyes,

unwilling to flow down, to go against time, at least in my mind

Love is a cancerous cell

what felt like a “it might be okay” day

yesterday

feels like a “it will never be” day

today

it comes and goes

you can suppress it

externally, or your body might try to

but fail at completely eradicating it

but hey its ok

let me immerse myself in this

sadness, for this cancer is the last thing

that you gave me

__Tsuki San

Lazy Sunday

It’s a lazy sunday

where eyes open naturally,

without the aid of clocks screaming,

where it’s ok to roll around for that little more

The only thing that is missing though,

is waking up with you next to me,

sleeping quietly and sweetly

 

The thing I love about you—when you sleep,

is that lovely face, free of worries and pretensions

I could watch you forever, stealing a kiss is a must,

and you will never know

 

But this sunday, and the rest of days

I will miss that sleeping face you never knew

Améliorer

I created a playlist for her and for me, and I would add any song that I thought would fit into the idea of a better tomorrow. So I looked at it again today, and decided that I would rearrange them into a music poem, albeit a very fragmented one. So here it is and an accompanying playlist.

An ending, a beginning
two of us on the run
hand over hand
Memories of ourselves with each other
same dream
reflection
reverse erased
all apologies
dream of you and i

I can almost see you
far away
you’re on my mind
run to the sunset
twilight
star roving
by starlight
oceans
lighthouse

I sat with you with cigarettes and beer looking at the stars
will you stay here with me
being in love with you
everything i am is yours

believe me
i won’t give up
sit down beside me
make you feel my love
daring to love
won’t leave you
as long as
the sea within
promise
sunrise

scorpius
aquarius
movements of duality
the unbroken line
endless dreamless
unfucktheworld
there is a light that never goes out

glow worms
how gentle
i like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it
rainy mood
rain sounds under the leaves
the grandeur of a modest moment
whenever it rains, i feel so free

what are we waiting for
it’s a fine day
hello sunshine
rainbow connection

Dreams IV : I did not dream of you

I did not dream of you,

like I usually do

Instead, I dreamt of other girls

It’s kind of hazy now but

I was laughing with them

The mood was pink-ish,

too happy, too unreal

 

Perhaps I want to be happy,

subconsciously, as all humans hope

It feeds me with illusions

that I could be happy

 

But love is a choice

and my choice is you

the you in all my poems

 

My consciousness seeped into the

forbidden dream and as they intertwined

and cross faded, I begun to realise that

I was having this dream

 

I woke up feeling sad that I had

this dream at all but I guess my

consciousness and subconsciousness

are twins with different personalities

afterall.

 

I did not dream of you

but I wish I did

Active now

I am typing in your presence,

like how I used to,

but these words will never reach you—

for I will never find the courage to press send,

even though your status says

“active now”

“I opened messenger for the first time after a long while, and saw you online.

I started writing my feelings for you but i knew I would never press send.

How pointless, I wished you would see me typing, as usual. But I know my window

is hidden and never to be opened again. I decided to write this in your presence”

Fall out of love

Why am I the only one

who can’t seem to fall out of love

Of this love I fell into,

and never found a way out

I’m stuck in this sticky gooey of a mess

my limbs are stuck in this

sweet gooey and comfy inside

of yours

I can’t seem to find the exit

I’m losing myself slowly

but mostly I can’t seem to find

the motivation to get out

of this love

The words you said

 

They still ring in my head

the words you said

it resonates through my body

like sound waves do

 

The words you said

I collect them in my head

copying and pasting snippets

from sentences that my subconsciousness

deemed interesting enough

Sometimes I question why,

the selection wouldn’t have made

it past my curatorial sensibility

 

I guess that’s how memories and emotions

work, like lovers teasing each other incessantly,

tickling and poking each other on the bed,

each tickle causing a laughter,

each poke causing a scream

 

And like a player left on loop,

these words of yours are left

ringing in my head, until these

memories eventually gets corrupted

and only fragments of it remains

How are you?

 

How are you? 

I find myself asking yet again,

not out of habit, but because it is a

question that never gets replied

 

And each night,

I find myself wondering,

if you are still in pain

I know you must be,

surely your pain runs deeper than mine

 

I cannot bring myself to ask you this,

it lives only in my head

I still remember your poignant smile,

as I asked “How are you?” for the last time,

to which there was no reply

 

Sometimes the simplest of things

can be so far away and so precious

perhaps I am undeserving, perhaps

but tonight I will ask once more,

 

“How are you?”

 

loop

Maybe

I am the only one left hanging

I have no way of knowing

That is why these questions

go on loop

(repeat)

 

Maybe

I am the only one left hanging

I have no way of knowing

That is why these questions

go on loop

(repeat)

 

Maybe

I am the only one left hanging

I have no way of knowing

That is why these questions

go on loop

(repeat)

 

Maybe

I am the only one left hanging

I have no way of knowing

That is why these questions

go on loop

(repeat)

 

Maybe

I am the only one left hanging

I have no way of knowing

That is why these questions

go on loop

(repeat)

 

Maybe

I am the only one left hanging

I have no way of knowing

That is why these questions

go on loop

(repeat)

 

Maybe

I am the only one left hanging

I have no way of knowing

That is why these questions

go on loop

(repeat)

 

Maybe

 

One day the questions will

disintegrate and fade away

along with the flow of time

 

Maybe